Good morning. It’s Wednesday. Today we’ll find out why young people, who feel a deep sense of financial anxiety, aren’t dating, and we’ll discuss some cheap alternatives to an expensive date.
A crushing economy, sluggish job market and escalating costs are making it hard for young adults, ages 22 to 35, to date — especially true in a city like New York, where $130 dinner dates, $20 cocktails and a $28 movie ticket quickly add up. And then there’s the added pressure from social media to go above and beyond because your friends might look down on coffee dates. I talked with Troy Closson, a Metro reporter who covers young people, about why Gen Z can’t afford a first date.
Young adults are dating far less than their parents and grandparents did back in their 20s and early 30s. What’s another key finding?
I’ve talked to dozens of New Yorkers in their 20s and 30s over the past few months who feel a deep sense of financial anxiety. And it’s definitely not limited to single, young adults. But it was surprising to hear several economists I interviewed connect this generation’s decline in dating to its sense of economic instability.
It makes sense, though. I’ve heard from older New Yorkers about how marriage in their early or mid-20s helped them gain their footing in the city, split rent with their partner and know that one major job disruption wouldn’t completely upend their life.
What makes dating so hard for Gen Z and what are they prioritizing instead?
There’s so much. The experts I spoke with told me that young people today express little confidence in even basic dating skills like asking someone out. Many are struggling with loneliness and forming deep relationships.
And in almost every conversation I had, young people were tired of dating apps — but also felt like they were struggling to meet people without them. One man in his mid-20s said that “Covid screwed us over.” He was a freshman in college when the pandemic started, and he felt like his social life took a big hit that he’s struggled to recover from.
Is the issue of not dating centered around disposable income or discretionary income? Or do young adults just not have money left over to do anything else?
I’ve talked to some underemployed young adults in New York who graduated with fancy degrees and are now working minimum-wage jobs. They simply don’t have enough money to afford everything that comes with a relationship.
But I think for many others, it’s about the choices that people are making when it comes to how to spend their limited money. Dating itself wouldn’t necessarily break the bank. But it no longer feels worth the investment.
What are some cheap date ideas that have been unfairly dismissed?
There’s probably few places that require less money on paper to date than New York City. You don’t have to pay for Ubers or gas money to get around, when you can take public transportation for $3. And there’s nearly 2,000 parks across the city alone, where plenty of people go on picnics and walks.
One of the relationship experts I spoke to even said that she often encourages young people to plan two or three coffee dates on the same day — and avoid spending so much time getting ready over and over. But she added that for this generation in particular, there’s so many different ideas around what is and isn’t considered acceptable as a date: Sometimes, people view coffee dates as putting in too little effort. Other times, it’s a cheap option that’s easy for everyone.
What about the people in established relationships? Are they still going on dates?
I heard from so many couples in their 20s and 30s who talked about how much less often they’re going out and experiencing the city — often because of how much more expensive the things they had enjoyed before are today. The state comptroller’s office found that the cost of eating at restaurants or grabbing fast food in the New York City area grew by 43 percent between 2012 and 2022. And many New Yorkers’ salaries haven’t kept up with inflation.
For some, it’s all just meant more date nights in the apartment with home-cooked meals.
Are the trade-offs worth it?
I kept thinking about how so much of living in New York City is about making trade-offs to afford life here. And what I’d heard so often was that for so many people, the cost of dating made it feel like it was no longer worth it. It’s not just the date itself, but the cost of everything it takes to get ready and all the time that’s spent — and sometimes wasted — even setting up a date in the first place.
One young woman said that the cost of living is already so high and schedules are so busy: When you finally have a free Saturday night, are you going to spend it hanging out with friends at their apartment or grabbing a drink with someone who might end up being annoying?
Weather
Expect partly sunny skies, a chance of afternoon showers, and temperatures near 82. Tonight will be mostly cloudy, with a low around 74.
ALTERNATE-SIDE PARKING
In effect until Aug. 15 (Feast of the Assumption).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Move your car!” — Gale Brewer, the City Councilwoman, as she slapped a large neon-green, shield-shaped sticker on a vehicle that failed to make way for street sweepers. Brewer sponsored a bill to bring the stickers back after a 14-year ban. The new sticker carries the rebuke: “This vehicle violated N.Y.C. street cleaning rules. As a result, this street could not be properly cleaned.”
The latest Metro news
Aiding small businesses: Mayor Zohran Mamdani has offered roughly 50 proposals as part of his “Overhauling Procedures & Expanding Navigation” plan. These include working with the state to get rid of frozen dessert permits, streamlining the permit system for barbershops and increasing winnings from bingo games.
A second Delaney Hall detainee has died: The family of Edwin Lopez-Cornejo, a Salvadoran immigrant who died over the weekend after being held at the troubled detention center in Newark, said that federal officials who oversee the facility had refused to provide his medical records. They appeared before news cameras to demand that state officials investigate his death.
Crackdown on e-bikes: Lawmakers presented 17 proposals designed to better govern the use of electric bikes and scooters and to crack down on illegal vehicles after a series of fatal crashes. Some of the bills have already been introduced, including ones that would ban the sale of some faster e-bikes that are currently legal. Here’s what to know.
Republican backer closes his wallet: Ronald S. Lauder, a major funder of conservative political causes, appears to have abruptly stopped giving to Republicans in New York, and the ramifications for the conservative movement he has nurtured in his home state could be significant. The super PAC he long maintained is also sitting idle.
Judge blocks New York mask ban: New York’s law requiring federal immigrant agents to display identification and prohibiting them from wearing masks was blocked after a federal judge issued a preliminary injunction. A ban on formal cooperation between immigration agents and local police officers will move forward.
Fire in Manhattan subway: A fire on a maintenance train in Lower Manhattan injured eight M.T.A. workers and six firefighters, disrupting subway services for morning commuters. Most of the injuries were minor, though two people sustained moderate but non-life-threatening injuries, the Fire Department said.
METROPOLITAN diary
Rainy night on the L
Dear Diary:
I was on the L train heading to a friend’s birthday party in Bushwick. It was a rainy night, and I was wearing an old, disposable rain poncho that looked like a slice of watermelon.
“I like your poncho,” the guy next to me said.
“Thanks,” I replied.
“Hypothetically, how much would you sell it for?” he asked.
I wasn’t planning on selling the poncho off my back, but I said, “I don’t know, five dollars?” I immediately regretted my lowball answer.
“I’ll give you 10,” he said.
I thought: This guy must be the worst negotiator ever. But there I was, giving him the poncho and getting a crisp $10 bill in return.
“My best friend’s name is Watermelon,” he said before getting off at the next stop. “She’s going to love this.”
I took the $10 and bought a chicken quesadilla.
— Avery Lender
Illustrated by Agnes Lee. Tell us your New York story here and read more Metropolitan Diary here.
Glad we could get together here. — D.W.
Ed Shanahan contributed to New York Today. You can reach the team at [email protected].
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