One of the most frustrating lies my brain tells me is that I must earn my rest. No matter what time of day it is, no matter how burned out I am, if I’m not as productive as I believe I should be, I feel guilty for resting. In my mind, there’s always something more efficient I could be doing, like chores, workouts, socializing, or extra work.
Unfortunately, this is a common pattern that many of us face in today’s world. It’s no wonder so many of us have autoimmune diseases, mental health issues, and chronic conditions…
Why Do We Feel Guilty for Resting?
If you feel guilty for resting, odds are, you place too much importance on your productivity.
According to Bobby Hoffman, Ph.D., author of Hack Your Motivation, in his Psychology Today article on the topic, “The primary obstacle is the reality that some people connect their self-worth to constant productivity. When we connect our identity to productivity, relaxing feels wrong instead of restorative.”
Welp, he just read me to a fine art.
“Rest-intolerant individuals tend to compare themselves to peers, obsess about unfinished tasks, and hold such illogical beliefs as rest must be earned or kept brief,” Hoffman continues. “These intrusive thoughts make it challenging to repress productivity quests, which raises stress and interferes with sleep. Over time, rest starts to feel like an obligation, not a choice.”
Take me, as a prime example: When I finally decide to rest on the couch after a long day of work, rather than allowing myself some peaceful relaxation, I think of all the things I “should” be doing instead. My mind drifts to the dishes in the sink, the laundry in the dryer, the yoga or workout I didn’t have energy for, the additional article I could be writing to earn some extra cash. It’s like my brain doesn’t view rest as productive, so it’s last on my list of to-dos.
Only after completing absolutely every other task can I finally enjoy my rest. Why? Because I earned it.
How to Rest Without Guilt
I’m still trying to figure out how to let my body rest without that nagging voice shaming me for it. However, I’ve found some success in recent years. Here are a few tips for relaxing without guilt.
1. Listen to Your Body
You should never have to justify your rest. You know the saying: “You’re a human being, not a human doing.” I’ve learned that when you ignore your body’s pleas to slow down, it will eventually force you to do so. In fact, I once pulled an all-nighter to study for a college test, and I ended up getting a high fever the next day. Listening to your body will never fail you.
2. View Rest as Productive
Rest is productive, even if society doesn’t often deem it as such. I am far more efficient when I have eight hours of sleep under my belt, and I see much more gym progress when I take a day or two off per week.
Sometimes, I’ll “hack” my brain by adding “rest” to my to-do list. For some reason, this shifts my perspective and helps me view it as an important task (which it is!)
3. Stop Tying Your Worth to Your Productivity
While this isn’t a simple or quick fix, it’s important to work on your self-worth so it’s not directly tied to your efficiency or accomplishments. You do not need to “earn” rest by burning yourself out or pushing yourself past your limits. You are inherently worthy of rest.