I couldn’t afford room and board at my daughter’s college, so she’s living at home. I worried she wouldn’t have a social life.
When my 18-year-old daughter’s scholarship letter arrived in the mail for college, I was amazed that she’d been awarded so much.
Ellie was offered $33,429 toward the $46,000 needed for tuition through scholarships and grants.
However, as a residential college, another expectation was living in the dorm. These extra room and board costs added up to around another $10,000.
My husband and I both worked, but we would have needed to take out a loan for the additional fees. Even though we wanted her to have the complete college experience, neither of us thought it was wise to go into unnecessary debt. Our home, located in a small town in Washington State, was only 15 minutes away from the school, making it hard to justify the expense.
It was a difficult decision for all of us
I remembered that most of my college life had happened outside the classroom. I’d loved talking to my roommate after classes. My friendships were formed by bonding over which foods to avoid in the cafeteria and by going snowshoeing with my dorm section right before Christmas break. My husband and I also met during these formative years at a campus church service.
Asking Ellie to continue sharing a room with three younger siblings didn’t exactly scream college.
“But then, I’m basically giving up having a real social life,” she told us.
“You can spend as much time on campus as you want,” I promised. “Let’s make sure you join some of the clubs, you can study at the library, and you can spend some of your earnings from your job on going out with friends.”
She built a social life that works for her
Over the next nine months, Ellie met some great people. Living between two worlds, campus and home, left room for her to see a few high school friends on occasion when they happened to be in town.
She found ways to participate in campus life by joining student groups such as the Asian Pacific Islander Club and the Theology Club. They provided opportunities to share meals with peers, watch movies, and enjoy themed events.
Prior to college, she spent hours taking dance classes. These skills came in handy when a friend and her choreographed Sevillanas, a dance that originated in Spain, for the Multicultural Fair. I enjoyed having the opportunity to watch her college experience grow.
Our family went through a few adjustments
My husband and I needed to decide whether she would need a curfew. There was one time when we locked her out of the house at 11 p.m., forgetting she was at an activity that started at 8 p.m.
Having a college student at home means that, whether we like it or not, we are living that schedule with her. I can’t go to sleep without knowing she is home safe. Thankfully, she doesn’t like to stay out past midnight.
Although we love eating meals together, we knew Ellie wouldn’t always have time to join us. But without us asking, Ellie volunteered to make a few breakfasts a week, and she helped clean up afterward because that was going to be the only time that she would consistently be home.
She didn’t want her siblings to resent her for not doing chores. It also gave her some quiet time before she left for school around 7:30 a.m.
Even though living at home as a freshman in college wasn’t Ellie’s first choice, all of us have welcomed having more time to spend together. We’ve also liked preparing meals for her friends and opening up our home as a retreat away from campus.
During her second year of college, we hope that the benefits will continue to surprise us.
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