DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have friends who are kind, intelligent and warm. However, as we have spent more time with them, “Phyllis’” compulsive talking has become a real problem for us. She hijacks whichever one of us is sitting next to her and starts a monologue that goes on and on.
Phyllis doesn’t even look at the person she’s talking to and doesn’t hear when you try to interject anything. She has said she’s hard of hearing and does wear a hearing aid, but I believe the problem is more than a hearing deficit.
The dilemma is they have booked a cruise with us. We didn’t ask them to, but when I mentioned we were going, they thought it would be fun. The thought of having dinner together every night and being subjected to this is going to put a distinct damper on what is a rare vacation for my husband and me. Is there any way to not offend them and have more give-and-take in the conversation? — DREADING IT IN OREGON
DEAR DREADING IT: You or your husband need to make clear to this couple well before the ship sets sail that you signed up for this cruise because you want to spend time alone together, meet new people and make new friends, which is why you will not be able to dine with them every night or participate in every activity with them. Period.
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DEAR ABBY: My wife of 48 years recently died, and my stepson put some artificial flowers on her grave. I was surprised to see this when I visited on the eight-month anniversary of her death. Both my wife and I always considered artificial flowers tacky and not appropriate for cemeteries, even though lots of people decorate gravesites with them.
I haven’t said anything to him about my feelings about plastic flowers, but I would like to prevent more of them from being placed when these fade away. How can I ask him to not put any more plastic flowers on the grave, or should I just ignore it? I’m less likely to visit her grave when these flowers are there. — MOURNING IN ALABAMA
DEAR MOURNING: Your stepson may not realize how his mother felt about plastic flowers, so mention it to him the next time you talk. If he doesn’t visit his mother’s grave often, he may not realize that they have been removed, which I suggest you do if seeing them would discourage your visits.
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DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married for 40 years, but it’s a platonic relationship with no communication on his part. I must run the household, make sure bills get paid and be responsible for everything — whatever life throws at us. My health is waning, and I’m concerned for my future. I have tried talking, counseling, etc., to no avail. What do I do? — FED UP IN UTAH
DEAR FED UP: Because, after 40 years, you are finally fed up enough that you might actually do something about it, I’m suggesting some sessions with a different counselor than the one you have been seeing. You stated that you are the one who takes care of the house, pays the bills, etc. Has your husband been earning the money? If so, then you might also benefit from interviewing several attorneys about what your options might be if you no longer wish to carry the whole load alone.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.