Many people believe couples therapy is a negative, last-resort solution to a troubled relationship. However, like individual therapy, it can serve as a maintenance tool, helping preserve the health of your connection.
There are many reasons couples might seek therapy, from infidelity and betrayal to a sense of loneliness and disconnection. Steven Buchwald at Manhattan Mental Health Counseling shared some of the most unexpected yet common reasons couples end up in therapy.
1. They Don’t Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
Unfortunately, many couples fail to celebrate each other’s wins, whether due to competitiveness, resentment, or lack of effort. Whatever the case, support is crucial in healthy relationships.
“A person should feel that their partner is their biggest supporter,” says Buchwald. “If this isn’t the case, resentment can build, and validation is sought elsewhere. It often isn’t about wanting superficial praise but knowing that your success matters.”
Your partner should be your cheerleader—and vice versa. Celebrating and supporting each other will only bring you closer together, especially if that effort is reciprocated.
“If your partner shares good news, stop what you are doing and mirror their excitement,” Buchwald advises. “Ensure that you ask a minimum of 3 questions and ensure that they’re aware you’re proud of them.”
2. They Have Too Many Logistical Conversations
Couples who treat their relationships like jobs, turning conversations into business meetings and feedback into performance reviews, can be incredibly exhausting. Where’s the romance in this dynamic?
“Logistical conversations can easily take over a relationship,’ says Buchwald. “We’re time poor, and everyone needs to plan; however, conversations between a couple shouldn’t solely consist of who is picking up the children, booking the holiday, or working late. Constant logistical conversations see a person’s relationship become administrative rather than emotional. This pattern sparks feelings of loneliness in a relationship despite time spent together.”
It’s crucial to hold positive, lighthearted conversations that have nothing to do with the logistics of your relationship.
“Carving just 10 minutes a day where you and your partner talk about anything but life admin is a great way to reinstate subjects that you have in common and safeguard yourselves against feelings of loneliness,” Buchwald says.
3. They Reject Opportunities to Connect
Another common reason couples end up in therapy is that they miss out on each other’s bids or connection. For example, Buchwald references a situation where one partner is doomscrolling while the other is trying to hold a conversation. Rather than enjoying each other’s presence, they remain disconnected, with the dismissed partner likely feeling alone and unheard. When this becomes a pattern, it’s easy to feel emotionally distant from your person.
4. They Hide Their Stress From Each Other
While no one wants to be a downer in their relationship, hiding your emotions from your partner is the quickest way to detach and end up in therapy. When we neglect or dismiss our own feelings rather than voicing them, we allow room for resentment, fear, and even distrust to form.
For example, Buchwald notes that many couples feel they’re protecting their relationship by hiding, say, financial anxiety or work issues. But by pushing these emotions away instead of communicating them, you only create distance between you and your partner. Over time, it might feel like you’re hiding important information—or even that you’re rejecting each other.
Couples therapy can help partners learn how to lean into their emotions and communicate more openly, without feeling like a burden.